Existential Sex

The Fear of Being Known

Forthcoming

This book examines sex not as pleasure or performance, but as a site of exposure. It explores why erotic intimacy can feel threatening even when desire is present, and how shame, avoidance, and sexual withdrawal often emerge from the fear of being seen, mis-seen or known too much.

Drawing from existential psychology, phenomenology, and clinical observation, the book treats sexual avoidance not as resistance or pathology, but as an intelligible defense against relational exposure. Desire, arousal, and sexual expression are understood as moments when the self becomes visible, contingent, and vulnerable to recognition or rejection.

Rather than offering techniques for increasing intimacy, Sex and the Fear of Being Known investigates the conditions under which erotic visibility becomes tolerable. It considers how individuals manage the tension between wanting connection and protecting the self, and how shame functions as a relational phenomenon rather than a private flaw.

Written for clinicians, thinkers, and reflective readers, the book positions sex as one of the primary arenas where the human fear of exposure is negotiated, disguised, and sometimes transformed.