In this post, an existential sex therapist explores how the pursuit of control—especially over sexuality—is often a response to deeper fears: rejection, vulnerability, shame, and the unpredictability of intimacy. While control may offer a sense of safety, it often numbs desire and disconnects us from ourselves and others.

Existential sex therapy sees control as a defense against life’s uncertainties. Instead of trying to "fix" or suppress sexuality, this approach invites clients to explore what control is protecting them from—and to consider the power of surrender, presence, and deeper self-understanding.

Ultimately, real freedom and connection don’t come from mastering desire, but from meeting it honestly and courageously.

This post explores how, in existential sex therapy, the fear of vulnerability often shapes a person’s ability to let themselves be loved. An existential sex therapist views this fear not as dysfunction but as a natural response to the risks of intimacy—rejection, loss, and the possibility of not being enough. By understanding the protective purpose of these defenses and learning to stay present with the discomfort of openness, individuals can gradually soften into deeper connection. Allowing someone to love you becomes an act of courage, rooted in authenticity, presence, and a willingness to be seen.

In existential sex therapy, understanding why you repeat certain patterns can be helpful, but lasting change comes from recognizing the behavior and choosing differently. Drawing on insights from Rollo May and Irvin Yalom, this approach emphasizes that freedom lies in your ability to choose, not in fully resolving the past. Change begins not with perfect insight, but with present-moment responsibility.

This article explores how BDSM can be a therapeutic tool for some survivors of sexual trauma. While research shows that BDSM practitioners do not have higher rates of trauma or psychological dysfunction, survivors who are drawn to kink may find it healing due to its emphasis on constant consent, intentional power exchange and structured intimacy.

The article emphasizes that BDSM is not a cure and should not replace trauma therapy, but when approached ethically with consent, care and emotional literacy, it can be a powerful framework for healing, self-discovery and reclamation.

You can’t control other people—but you can always choose how you respond.
In existential sex therapy, this truth is central. Drawing from Stoicism, Rollo May and Emmy van Deurzen, the post explores how trying to change others often masks deeper fears. Instead of seeking control, both philosophies encourage self-responsibility, clarity, and authentic choice.

Your power doesn’t lie in managing others—it lies in how you live, love, and respond.