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Betrayal blindness is one of the most complex emotional survival mechanisms we rarely talk about. It happens when someone unconsciously chooses not to "see" a betrayal in order to maintain a relationship, emotional safety, or even a sense of identity.

While it often appears in romantic partnerships, betrayal blindness can also show up in families, friendships, and workplaces. The betrayal can be more than just infidelity. It could be someone choosing to lean into their own confirmation bias about their partner because embracing what is right in front of them would be too psychologically painful and disruptive. For example, if a partner can detail a multitude of examples of their partner’s narcissistic tendencies, but be unable to view them as narcissistic because if their partner is in fact a narcissist, that would be too much to take. Hence, you tell yourself that it just could not be possible, even though it is.

Nowhere is it more misunderstood—or more impactful—than in the context of infidelity and intimacy, where sex therapy can play a vital role in healing.

What Is Betrayal Blindness?

Coined by psychologist Jennifer Freyd, betrayal blindness refers to the unawareness or forgetting of betrayal to preserve a necessary relationship. This is particularly common when acknowledging the truth would bring unbearable consequences—like emotional collapse, financial ruin, or loss of community.

Examples include:

A partner ignoring signs of cheating, emotional affairs or even verbal manipulation
A child “forgetting” or minimizing parental abuse
An employee tolerating unethical leadership to keep a job

It’s not stupidity or weakness—it’s psychological self-protection.

How It Shows Up in Intimate Relationships

In couples, betrayal blindness often revolves around sexual betrayal, emotional affairs, pornography addiction, or secrets about desire and identity. The betrayed partner may:

Notice inconsistencies but not connect the dots
Suppress gut instincts
Rationalize or minimize suspicious behavior

Meanwhile, the betraying partner may gaslight, withhold, or distract—deepening the dynamic.

This is where sex therapy becomes invaluable.

How Sex Therapy Helps Uncover and Heal Betrayal Blindness

Sex therapy offers a safe, nonjudgmental space to explore complex emotional and sexual truths that are often buried beneath betrayal.

A skilled sex therapist can help couples:

Rebuild honest communication
Explore why betrayal occurred (often rooted in shame or unmet needs)
Process triggers, trauma, and attachment wounds
Clarify if the relationship can be repaired—and how
Reconnect emotionally and sexually in a grounded, realistic way

Whether working individually or as a couple, sex therapy allows the betrayed partner to name the blind spots without fear of collapse.

Signs You Might Be Experiencing Betrayal Blindness

You feel confused or “foggy” when thinking about your partner’s actions
You avoid asking tough questions, even when your intuition says something’s off
You have flashbacks or emotional distress with no clear source
You stay in a painful situation because the alternative feels worse
The last point is what is so incredibly common.

Healing Betrayal Blindness Is a Process

There’s no fast track to healing betrayal, especially when the betrayal is sexual or deeply emotional. But becoming aware of betrayal blindness is a powerful first step.

Tools that support healing:

Sex therapy or trauma-informed couples counseling
Journaling or guided reflection on relationship patterns
Reading books like “The Betrayal Bond” or “Not Just Friends”
Mindfulness and somatic practices to reconnect with your body and instincts

Betrayal blindness isn’t about weakness—it’s about survival. But long-term emotional health requires truth, and sex therapy can be a transformative tool in uncovering that truth with compassion and skill.

If you’ve been doubting your reality or feeling stuck in a relationship full of unspoken truths, consider this your sign: You’re not alone, and healing is possible.

Betrayal Blindness Continued…